Talking to Kids About What Matters
24 October 2025
I remember vividly the panic I felt when the topic of ‘children' s exposure to online pornography’ was emerging. My kids were tiny at the time, but I was already catastrophising about their futures and worrying about the impact the digital world was having on my current students. I burst into John Mikton’s (our digital coach at the time) office bombarding him with questions about what we could do to stop this assault on our young people. John was very calm, as always, and shared with me the approach that he used with his own children. It was so simplistic, but so impactful: build the type of relationships with your kids that you can talk to them about this stuff. He had some other practical advice around boundaries, restrictions, routines, etc., but knew that despite the best efforts of parents to protect their children, they are savvy. At some point, through friends or innocent searching, they would come across something they are not developmentally ready to see.
Having difficult and uncomfortable conversations with kids can be intimidating and awkward for both adults and kids. However, any discomfort is worth preventing harm and it can be done skillfully. For example, when my children were preteens, I read ‘Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Kids’ by Kristen A Jensen to them which is an age-appropriate book that addresses dopamine addiction in relation to pornography. This allowed us to openly discuss why exposure to these types of pictures can be dangerous and what to do if they came across something. We had a good laugh going through the book and kept it light, but providing them with education and talking about it openly was far more powerful than emphasising forbidden fruit or avoiding the topic altogether.
That feels like ages ago (I am calmer now), but it opened the door to all kinds of discussions that would help my kids make informed decisions (most of the time- we are still working on it). It was also pre-TikTok and since that time, there have been many more ‘threats’, such as racist trends, extreme political agendas, misogynistic influencers, etc, etc… These conversations do not negate putting in place critical boundaries around devices (kids need you to check their phones), but teaching young people how to navigate the vortex of the internet and how to handle tough in-person situations is one more area that we can partner in school and home life.
Safe spaces to discuss tough topics with students is a focus of our Pastoral Programmes across the school. Every time I present on the topic of pornography, students genuinely thank me afterwards and several have told me that they needed this presentation in Grade 5. Scary. When they understand the impact on the brain, the messages conveyed in porn and the fallout of porn addictions, they can make informed decisions.
In the days leading up to Allison Och’s visit, I strongly encourage you to use the opportunity to talk openly with your children about tough topics, both online and in their day to day lives. It would be wonderful if you could join one of Allison’s parent presentations. The more parents are aligned on digital matters, the more we can protect our kids. Most importantly, if you are not talking to your kids about these tough topics, I guarantee you that they are learning it from somewhere. Would you rather it be from you?
In partnership,
Lindy Hirt
Middle School Principal